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remember when i was like making new images and updating my profile? yeah mental health is a BITCH. I got caught up with making myself better and honestly... I dont know if I can even open commissions like I planned. I wanted to do art as a side job, help support my daughter.... but I can't focus for more than two seconds on the web. There's no way I can actually support my daughter with this? I quit too easily... I dunno what to do?
Hey guys dunno if you'll remember me but just wanted to say hi. There's a lot of you I miss around here and just kinda wandered my way back. I haven't had a computer foreeeeever so I'm still trying to save up and also a tablet so I can come back to drawing/manipulating. Drop me a note or something if ya wanna chat. I can still type off my phone. :)
So I know I post these a lot. In fact, I'd say the majority of my journal posts are about this topic. So let's get to it...

I've been gone a while (GEE REALLY?!) and it's mostly bc I've got a lot on my plate and I've been super busy (yeah that's always my excuse, I know) but I also lost my tablet over the course of a couple moving sessions and packing and unpacking multiple times. I was supposed to get a new tablet/computer for my birthday in the next two weeks but that's not gonna be happening anymore. My laptop is shot (a 10 year old Alienware that needs some serious upkeep lol) but I'm really planning on coming back. At least taking up a hobby. I need the distraction.  So look around for me, followers, if I have any that pay attention to this page haha
So here's the news: my dog ATE my tablet pen. And the GOOD side too. I was trying to search the web for replacements but the cheapest ones are almost the same price I bought the whole /tablet/ for. So does anyone know where I can find some cheap ones? ): I have an Intuous Pen & Touch, if that helps.
Okay, friends & watchers. Should I attempt to get back in photomanipulating? I wouldn't know where to start (ideas, plz) but I would really love to start taking up the hobby again... especially since I don't have the time to roleplay anymore, I can create stories from pictures 
I figured out my password.

lol, I've been without internet for about 8 months and I forgot my deviantart password, but I figured it out. I don't have my tablet anymore, but I still want to make manips. So, maybe I'll make someeee. :D
So I want to get back into manipulating photos (I know, I've been gone a while) but I want to start some sort of "series" of photos that all tie together. I think if I start a series of some sort (like the elements or Roman Gods/Godesses or something) I would be able to stick around longer and get more manips/muse. I just need to figure out what I'm going to do! ^^; Until then, I'm working on a photo right now. I may or may not upload it, I don't know yet.
So as some of you may (or not) have noticed, I have been gone for a while. The charger to my laptop broke & I was stuck without it for a week. BUT NOW, I am back. And I'm going to be doing a collab with one of my good friends, ~Win-tah. So look forward to that masterpiece!

But something else has been on my mind lately (here comes the rant!)... Why is it whenever girls - at least, most girls that I know - have any sort of romantic or sexual encounter with a guy, their mind immediately thinks "intimacy". I've experienced it. In my crummy little mind there's no such thing as "one night stands" or "friends with benefits" or "just one, harmless time". No. If I kiss, touch, hold, suck off, or have sex with a guy, my mind automatically tells me, "THIS IS THE ONE. SOOOOUULLL MATES & FOREVER!" Or, well, something along those lines. I'm a hopeless, hopeless romantic, I suppose.
  • Listening to: If - House of Heroes
Two manipulations on one day?! Blasphemy! Actually I get home around 11:30 from school & the first one I started right away. The second one I made after because it's Friday and I'm home... alone... with nothing else to do. MY LIFE IS SO COMPLETE. -HUGS SELF- But yeah, the second one is much better & I spent a little more time on it (possibly because it actually has a meaning behind it, unlike the first one...) I may even delete the first, or just throw it in scraps. We shall see.

As for my life... eh. School remains to be suckish (mainly english, because we make yummy food in culinary class!). I have a group project due next week - a 10 minute report on summer reading, which I didn't read - and my group has done NOTHING, OF COURSE. Because WE SUCK. And I'm lazy and don't feel like doing anything because it's my senior year and I deserve to be procrastinating Queen. Or something.
  • Listening to: Saosin
Well I've been getting back into DA! Yay! I love the feeling you get after creating a manipulation and it turns out better than your last one; it makes you feel so accomplished and talented xD I know for a fact I've only been improving with my images (having looked back on some of my oldest works) and it just makes me think, "Wow I can only get better from here!"

On a less inspiring note, however, my life remains quite drama-rific. Mainly because I can't get these stupid thoughts out of my head. There's always something - a song, a smell, a word - that just reminds me. gfjdksbgfjds >>
  • Listening to: Start Trouble
I need to update my DA. I've been out of the photomanip business for a while now. To be honest, it's probably because I've quit all my RPs (once and for all, I imagine) which has cut down on requests from friends and I haven't had any "random ideas", I guess. I'm out of creative juice, but not out of time. So I'm sorry if you're actually a fan of my work xD I'm really trying to get a new picture out, but I need to go stock searching again (which usually gets the clocks ticking) but I have no idea where to start. Just bear with me, I still have another month of summer to get some new ones out (:
  • Listening to: Eminem
Yeah, I'm trying to take AP tests, balance finals, make my mom happy for her birthday, plan things for my own birthday, complete my review packets, hang out with my Aunt who came to visit, all while taking care of interwebby business. Which includes my manipping on DA; which, to be honest, I've been slacking on for the last month or so. So, I will be making a new one soon, I promise - just watch for it, it's coming! In the mean time, wish me sanity until summer comes D:
  • Listening to: Queens of the Stone Age
Got it back. Yay?

Well, my dog got back from the neurologist today and... there's something wrong with his spine. It's not hip dysplasia, but this could be worse. An MRI(what the vet wants to do) costs $3,000 and after that a surgery would  cost $5,000. We don't have $8,000. And my mom says it will only get worse. Right now, he moves around fine (except when he has to get on the couch, he seems reluctant to do that sometimes) but sooner or later, he won't be fine. Unless, magically, we find $8,000 in our hands.
  • Listening to: Brand New
I'm just... done. So done.
Fuck humanity.

Oh yeah, check out this place:
  • Listening to: Brand New
I invite you all to come witness the glory that is my site!…

It's an amazing wolf prg site, I promise. It's very much based off medieval times & Kingdoms/knights/awrriors. Except there are no knights, just the King and his soldiers. The King IS STILL UP FOR ADOPTION. So I am letting you know now, he will be until APRIL 20th. As King's roleplayer you get to work with me deciding what other glorious taxes he can impose on the poor civilian wolves.

Oh, plus, you get to meet the ultra sexy pair, Thessaly & Scimitar. Thessaly, a brave soldier of the King & /very/ manly and aloof. She's trained as a fighter, not a pansy damsel in distress. So, mind you, it's a little hard to get to know the real Thessaly. & lovely, lovely Scimitar. He's pretty much based off Tasr, and I'm pretty sure most of the people who watch me know about that fellow. The egocentric, sexy mofo with a fear of fighting? Yeah, the typical bully who only likes to fight for self-conscious reasons.

So what say ye? I'd like to see some DA faces around there, it shall be quite the fiesta. And perhaps after that, we can take a siesta. ;D
  • Listening to: Brand New
SOOOOO close to getting it. All I need is one more C.
However, I doubt that will happen as my teacher hates me soooo... bah.

Plus, I have no idea when the next progress report comes out. So it all depends, I guess? Ah well, by the time I get my D in English up, I'm sure French will be a D again.
  • Listening to: Styles of Beyond
So I got on my DA today and was looking over my profile when I noticed next to my name... Lady Gaga was staring me down repetitively. I immediately though... "Why is Lady Gaga on my screen?" The next thought was after I realized this was my /avatar/, "Why... that's not my avatar, is it?" It being 2 in the morning, I was a bit wary, but a bit more accepting of unusual things than normal. So I thought, "Maybe it's a mistake... coding error or something. Blah, blah, you know."

So I scroll down to look at my comments knowing I had posted recently and could look at that avatar to make sure. And then I saw it: Twilight. Twilight EVERYWHERE. People's avatars had gone from stylish to horrifying in seconds flat.

It took me only moments to realize it: HAPPY APRIL FOOLS FROM DA, RIGHT?
Sorry if I ruined it for anyone who actually pays attention to what I have to say. ;D

Also DA, thank you for giving me Lady Gaga who is moderately better than the fairy vampire Edward. At least she has balls, eh?
  • Listening to: 30 Seconds to Mars
So I played Assassin's Creed 2. Apparently negotiating with my brother is easy as taking his xbox from his room to my room while he's too absorbed with his WoW. ^^ -happy dance-

Well let's just say... the ending was once again FUCKING CONFUSING. It made things clearer, but it's still so weirrddd D: I didn't know the game would take such a sci-fi turn, though I should have guessed with the 'pieces of Eden' thing and the whole evil guy using the Apple to make clones of himself in the first game. But omgsoworthit! Same as last game but over 9000 times better! OVER 9000!

Also, I got a playstation 3 for Christmas. Yesyesyesyes. It is awesommeee. It basically works as a second PC. I got Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, mainly because that's what my friend said I should get. I'm usually anti-war games because I'm not very good at them, especially first-person shooters. But Jesus, it's addicting! I've only had it since... the 27th because I had to go out and buy CoD after I got my PS3, but I've already totaled almost 2 days worth of online play all together, and I'm on the verge of reaching level 50. I still suck(averaging probably 5 kills per game on bad days, and 10 kills per game on good days). I'm not the best, but I can kick ass. 22 is my best killstreak, but I haven't unlocked tactical nuke yet. xD How much is tactical nuke anyways, 25? Or 30? I can't remember.

Harriers(I think) are by far the best way to get kills. First, the first two drop bombs over alot of the map & can take you down easy smeezy, and then the third one just hovers over your enemies and shoots them down with precision. Harriers are the reason I got my longest killstreak xD BUT what sucks, is if your enemies are cold-blooded b/c then the harrier can't see them. I'm cold-blooded, and it's fucking awesome. Best perk (methinks). I don't even show up on UAV, but it doesn't rly help for thermal scopes because the ppl can still see you even though you don't stand out as much.

But anyways. That was my christmas.
  • Listening to: Seabird!
  • Playing: Modern Warfare 2
  • Eating: Pretzels(mmm!)

Games. Games. Games Galor.

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 18, 2009, 11:35 PM
Omg I want it soooo bad, but it turns out my brother's gay Xbox got the red ring of death, and now I am stuck waiting, or having... none. I would get it for PC, but I recently got Dragon Age: Origins (More on that later, omg!) and even that, with the lowest possible graphics & texture details is laggy, especially during fighting scenes - if often lags so much that when my character strikes, it ends up looking like they do no damage but the "slice" of weapon vs flesh sound is made in-game. 5 seconds later, there will be damage from that hit. It is also vice versa with enemy hits, which makes it super hard to keep track of character health because all of a sudden health will go from full-up to almost empty, and by the time my character drinks the health poultice, they've lost MORE health (Lag enforces its rules to all aspects of the game, so drinking health poultice effects show up 5 or more seconds after the video of my character drinks it).

(Well that was a long side-rant) Anyways, I WANT IT SO BAD D<
So many new games have come out lately, and I want them all! I also found out that they're making a Fable 3, and you get to be King/Queen, which will be absolutely awesome.

But on the matter of slow computers, would getting a separate hard drive help speed things up, and also allow me to choose a better graphics option(it's not necessary, but there's an absolute huge difference in DA:O between "Low" and "Medium" graphics.
Low: Black eyes, little lighting effects(almost none), sucky textures(wood is not wood, it is brown...) Character "fades" into surrounding environment (there isn't "distinct" lines bwteen character and background) ... Medium: Eye colors!!, awesome lighting, better blending of colors, more texture and detail, blood during fights, folds/designs in clothes, when you put war paint on your hound, it actually shows up!!!, distinction between character and background.

So yes, it is a little important...

On the matter of Dragon Age... HOLY FUCK IT IS AWESOME. The game has about 7594543895 million different choices (you can be bad, good, just, greedy, etc) and depending on your actions, your companions will grow to hate or love you. Desertion from your group members is plausible, and so are romance options. You can become King/Queen, there are so many different ways to end it, there are 6(?) different ways to START the game, graphics are stunning(when medium + up xD) and the world is absolutely expansive.

You can buy "expansions" like Warden's Keep(which is somewhat worth the 7 dollars if you're up for it) My characters all gained a level after the fighting, you get a party storage chest where you can hold items you don't necessarily need on the road and are taking up space in your pack, you get some DOPE armor, and the weapons you find are also pretty awesome. You also get a blacksmith with discounts who makes awesome armor(From Dragonbone to reinforced leather) and a myriad of good weapons. The Keep itself doesn't affect the game as far as I know(No main character in the game has said anything about me winning it back yet).

But... yes. I love games? -nerd much-

  • Listening to: Attack - 30 Seconds to Mars
  • Playing: Dragon Age: Origins!
Okay so I uploaded my image that got deleted - I redid it and even though it looks a little bit worse, it's still a really nice image. I spent a little more time on the highlights and shadows, so I hope they turned out a little bit better.

Besides that, I recently found out ASSASSINS CREED 2 IS COMING OUT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON! Omg I'm so stoked! For those of you who have not played the game yet, three words: "Go buy it." Let me add two: "Right. Now." Seriously, it's probably the best non-online, non-multiplayer, "sandbox" game out there. I guess you get to play an Italian incarnate, just like in the last one you played an Arab incarnate. Except this time it's during the Renaissance. And I heard you get to swim? I hope so - you don't even know how many times I died in that stupid river in Jerusalem. I would jump from a building and just miss the road and go right into the river.

But I guess they're improving it quite a bit, so all the cool things in the first one will only be ten times better. Ugh, I better get it for Christmas or something. If not, I'm definitely going to buy it with my own money because a game like that cannot stay out of my hands for too long.

Also, has anyone played prince of Persia? I understand it's from the creators of Assassins Creed and is supposed to be pretty good. Any input on that one?